Fatally Killed

Celebrating media

Alternative Shortland Street Synopsis 13

by evan on 02 February 2014

Vexed that Kane has not responded to their slight, Toby and Harry concoct a plan to really teach him a lesson. Unfortunately, Harry is collared by a security officer at the museum while attempting to pilfer a small painting to plant in Kane’s schoolbag. He receives a lecture from Chris on the importance of art appreciation and a $10,000 bonus in his trust fund, $1,000 of which he is compelled to donate to the Ferndale art appreciation club.

Ula takes audio recordings of everybody she interacts with pronouncing her name. On collating the recordings, she finds that there are more variations than there are participants. This does nothing for her stress levels.

TK’s shirt comes off during the opening minutes of a lecture on new techniques in emergency medicine. He continues to watch, shirtless, even engaging in the Q&A, although nobody can understand his guttural, between the teeth questions.

Alternative Shortland Street Synopsis 12

by evan on 29 January 2014

Kane realises that, being a popular sporting boy, he has no reason to hang out with that loser Harry Warner and his wildly gesticulating friend Toby. Toby and Harry plan revenge for this slight by not inviting him to the movies.

Nate sprains his jaw overemphasizing the letter T, and feels humiliated having to use a public emergency room, as he is placed in a bed near a man from the South Island.

TK’s shirt comes off during a routine inspection of a broken ankle and he punches a wall in frustration. He does not put the shirt back on.

Alternative Shortland Street Synopsis 11

by evan on 22 June 2012

Bella returns to her reception desk to discover that her chair is facing a different direction and her neatly arranged stationary has been disturbed. She interprets this as a sign of sinister forces at work, and after discovering that the cafeteria is out of cream buns she realizes that she is witnessing signs of the apocalypse and that she must relay this news to the rest of the hospital staff because she is the only one there in tune with her spiritual side and not corrupted by modern scientific thinking.

As the head of the social club, Nicole organises a speed dating event, but neglects to consider that many hospital staff are either blood relatives or have already unsuccessfully dated at least once and resent being reminded of their repeated romantic failures.

Alternative Shortland Street Synopsis 10

by evan on 19 June 2012

Chris Warner discovers he has another illegitimate son, who, after failing to get into medical school in an effort to impress his estranged father, began a misguided vendetta to undo all his father’s heroic good work by reversing the surgeries of Chris’s patients.

Paige comes across a ZM “Black Thunder” promo on her way to work, and accepts a can of Mother energy drink to get her through a busy ED shift, but her addictive personality is triggered. After making a crucial mistake due to overconsumption of the drink she learns that the slogan “Mother made me do it” does not work as well in real life as it does in TV commercials.

Focus

by evan on 01 June 2012

Gordon Campbell enunciates clearly what a lot of us probably think about media “ownership” of grief over at Scoop. I think I would probably go a little further though – in our house, we simply gave up hoping for the head of the news hour to contain news this week.

I don’t think it’s cold of me to feel infuriated that the lead ten minutes of each bulletin was given over to a mixture of ghoulish voyeurism and low-quality investigation into a internal matter in another country, especially when our own country is in the midst of some fairly serious, sweeping changes. It’s big news, for example, when the entire education sector is united in protest against government policy, and yet TV3 gave this story all of one minute, after leading with the sort of interviews that one would expect from a “current affairs” show.

Alternative Shortland Street Synopsis 9

by evan on 06 March 2012

While locked away in rehab, Hunter starts a Ferndale Community College adult education course in advanced tactical macrame.

Bella’s naiveté gets the better of her once again, as she falls victim to an internet scam, sending all of her baked beans and two boxes of Luke’s used underwear to an address in Thailand. Luke discovers that he loves the feeling of life without underwear.

The advent of the DVR leads to watchers realising that they can just fast forward through any scene with Vinnie in it.

Alternative Shortland Street Synopsis 8

by evan on 06 February 2012

Nicole buys a cellphone so small and fashionable that she cannot distinguish it from her earrings when she accidentally drops it into her overflowing jewellery box.

Murray and Wendy bump their skipping-for-charity feud up a level with disastrous results, as Murray’s boot camp-style training regime for the teenagers causes three coronary incidents, a premature birth in the back of a taxi on the motorway and a two-way light plane crash. Meanwhile Wendy is fired after attempting to reanimated corpses from the hospital morgue to serve as team members.

After conceding that there are no more reasonable ways to hide his jowls and hair, Chris Warner is allowed to appear unobscured. Casualties are light, and it is agreed to simply limit Warner’s monologues in the future.

Alternative Shortland Street Synopsis 7

by evan on 28 January 2012

Wendy volunteers at the Ferndale High School’s night school programme as a life model, in an attempt to gain confidence and come to terms with her aging body.

There’s a life growing inside Vinnie and he can’t just kill it off because he’s scared.

After leaving the road at high speed and soaring through the moist Ferndale air, a runaway truck crashes through the wall of Chris Warner’s exam room at chest level, forcing Warner to see patients with his whimsical jowls and cocksure hair hidden behind the smoking wreckage.

Alternative Shortland Street Synopsis 6

by evan on 26 January 2012

Murray intervenes in a public fight between two sisters, who turn out to be important Russian diplomats. They gratefully invite him to a lavish state banquet where his folksy, down to earth wisdom is an instant hit. The Cooper family are surprised and dismayed to discover that they have the “ginger gene,” according to a suspicious new GP. The episode’s director of photography instructs the camera operator to film every scene from such an angle that the highest visible point of Chris Warner’s body is his lower neck, successfully removing the problem of Warner’s quivering jowls and voluminous hair.

Alternative Shortland Street Synopsis 5

by evan on 23 January 2012

Callum’s face finds a lucrative new job moonlighting as a millionaire heiress’ leather handbag.

Phoenix introduces Jasmin to animal husbandry, but Jasmin is upset when she developes empathetic relationships with the animals. Evan solves the impending dispute by killing and eating all of Phoenix’s livestock.

Chris Warner’s joyous jowls and proud, erect hair are censored by NZ On Air, and spend the episode concealed by a poorly composited thick black line.